A Chapter with Nick!
My first long term boyfriend
Dear Diary: My First Long-Term Boyfriend, Nick Hor!
Hello, Nick! This one's for you. Not that I need to dedicate a Substack post to you, but let’s start with you before I get into the whirlwind of other men who have graced (or terrorized) my life.
So, who is Nick? Full name: Hor Jinyu—I swear, even typing that makes me laugh.
How We Met: Facebook’s Speed Dating Experiment
Back in the day, Facebook had this little side feature called Speed Dating. That’s where I found Nick. He had uploaded a really handsome photo—probably the best one he ever took.
Now, as a Eurasian girl, my type was always Chris Hemsworth, Orlando Bloom, Henry Cavill—basically, men who look like they stepped out of an epic fantasy movie. But during that era, before dating Nick, my ideal type leaned more towards Wang Leehom (I’m cringing even typing this—what was I thinking?!).
When Nick and I first started chatting, I assumed he wasn’t interested. He was this awkward Chinese guy, and our conversations were painfully basic—just Hi, Hello, How are you? That was it. Meanwhile, his type of girl was the skinny, model-esque kind, and I wasn’t even close to that standard.
But then, we met in person. And let me tell you, if he fell for anything, it was my heart and soul because I had him laughing nonstop. I did notice that he had some mild autistic traits—not in a way that made communication difficult, but he had his own unique way of talking and viewing the world. But the most important thing? He was kind. Like, genuinely good-hearted.
Nick was the type of guy who wouldn’t even glance at another woman when he was with me. No need for jealousy or tracking his whereabouts—he was just a lonesome, introverted guy lost in his own world. And maybe, at that time, I was his world.
The Family Integration Phase
The first two to three years of our relationship were solid. Things got serious enough that his family found out about me. I was invited to every Chinese New Year gathering, which is basically a rite of passage in a Chinese relationship.
His parents liked me, but they were slightly thrown off by my Western-style approach to family relationships. They saw me as the odd duck because I was more affectionate and open than they were used to.
One major difference? They didn’t celebrate birthdays. Not even their own. Nick never called his parents to wish them a happy birthday, Mother’s Day, or Father’s Day. At first, I thought this was some ancient Chinese tradition, but no—it was just his family.
I decided to intervene casually. I started reminding Nick about his parents’ birthdays. The first time his mom received a Happy Birthday wish from him, she was like:
"Eh?! My son wishing me Happy Birthday? Odd!! This is the first time!"
That’s when I knew she found me interesting—maybe even daughter-in-law material.
We were slowly making plans for the future, and I thought this was just one step closer to us possibly getting married.
The “Meet the Parents” Moment
By our third year, our families officially met over dinner, signaling the seriousness of our relationship and future plans. My father was still alive then, and the meeting went exceptionally well.
One memory I’ll never forget: At the end of the dinner, I hugged Nick’s mom to say goodbye. To my surprise, she refused to let go of my hand. When I looked at her, she had this warm, almost motherly smile on her face.
That smile will stay with me forever. We were on the path of something deeper, something that was becoming more than just a relationship—it was turning into plans for a life together.
Auntie Christine: The Unpredictable Family Member
Now, let’s talk about Auntie Christine—Nick’s father’s younger sister. If there was ever a love-hate relationship in my life, it was with this woman.
She never had kids of her own but was deeply involved in her nieces’ and nephews’ lives. At one point, Nick even worked for her interior design company—but he quit because he couldn’t handle her anger management issues. Understandable, since she was the boss, but still, he ran for his life.
She invited us for Chinese New Year lunch at her fancy Mont Kiara condo. It was my first time attending, and I was nervous.
When we arrived, she greeted me with the coldest, most intense glare. I thought, Oh no, she hates me. I wasn’t even supposed to be here. Nick, did you just drag me along uninvited?!
So, I sat there, quiet as a mouse, preparing for what felt like a disciplinary hearing. But then—out of nowhere—she gave me an angpow (red packet) like everyone else.
I was so confused.
After lunch, I thanked her for the invite and bolted out the door.
In the car, I went off at Nick: “She hates me!! I don’t even want her angpow! Keep it!”
Nick, trying to calm me down, casually said: “B, my aunt got Botox yesterday.”
I was like… Excuse me?
He continued, “That’s why her face looked like that. She wasn’t mad—she just couldn’t smile properly.”
I BURST out laughing. All that anxiety for nothing.
In Loving Memory of Auntie Christine
It’s with a heavy heart that I recently found out that Auntie Christine has passed away. May her lovely soul rest in love and light. I will never forget her. No matter how unpredictable our connection was, it was always a learning experience. She may have been intense at times, but there was a certain warmth in her, and I’m grateful for the moments we shared.
I’ll always remember one particular Chinese New Year at a hotel. The whole family was gathered for a group photo, and everyone was lined up. Nick was, of course, asked to join, and Auntie Christine was the only one who noticed me standing there and called me over. “Debbie, please come in for the photo. You’re family too, right?”
Her gesture meant more to me than words can express. She didn’t have to say it, but that little moment made me feel included in a way that will stay with me forever.
Business Partners Turned Roommates
Fast forward a couple of years: Nick and I decided to open a franchise business together. It was a popular store in Malaysia, and we thought it would be an exciting new venture.
Long story short—it didn’t last. By the second year, we had to terminate the contract and return the shop.
One day, while we were still running the business, Auntie Christine visited our shop and randomly decided to read my palm. She took off her glasses, examined my hand very seriously, and then declared:
"You’ve had many boyfriends."
Nick was sitting next to me, fully immersed in his RPG game, not even acknowledging the wild accusation his aunt just made about me.
I asked, “Based on what?!”
She replied, “The lines on your palm.”
What a funny lady.
Living Together: The Beginning of the End
Living together was supposed to be a transition, a way to figure things out. But by the time we moved back to my parents' house, the relationship was already over in everything but name. We were sleeping in separate rooms, and he was more of a tenant renting a room than anything else.
He eventually decided to move back to Taiping to stay with his parents, but before he left, there was this one funny incident that happened.
At this time, I had already befriended a lovely, enthusiastic, and energetic friend. She wasn't really familiar with my love life—or maybe she just never paid much attention to Nick before.
One day, she came over to visit me at my parents' home. While we were chatting, Nick walked out of his room. I panicked because I didn’t want to explain the awkward situation of my ex-boyfriend still living with me. So, when my friend asked, "Who is he lah?"—without thinking, I blurted out, "Oh, that's my cousin!"
She gave me a weird look and went, "Err… that’s odd. I feel like I’ve seen this guy before?? No??"
I brushed it off, and thankfully, she didn’t take it seriously. That is, until months later, when Nick had already moved out. One day, I randomly called her and said, "Girl, I need to confess something. I lied to you. He wasn’t my cousin. He was my ex-boyfriend."
Her reaction? "WHY you gotta lie, girl??"
And I was like, "How awkward is it to say my ex is still staying with me for the time being??"
She understood, of course. But to this day, if she ever gets the chance to tease me about it, she’ll be like, "Sooo… how’s your cousin?!"
The End (Or Is It?)
We remained friends, but it was time for me to move on.
Our relationship, though short-lived, left me with so many lessons—about love, compatibility, and how sometimes people just grow in different directions. Even though Nick and I couldn’t make it work romantically, I’ll always look back on those memories fondly. I’ll never forget the laughs, the quiet moments, the awkward encounters, and the genuine connection we had at the start.
Looking back, it wasn’t just the end of Nick and me—it was the beginning of understanding myself a little better. The “me” that I am now, after Nick, is someone who knows what she needs. Yet, I can’t deny that there’s a part of me that still chases the idea of having a man by my side as a companion. It’s a weakness I’ve realized along the way. This story is about Nick, but on my next Substack, I’ll dive into my other experiences.
But until then, I keep moving forward—one foot in front of the other, embracing the unpredictability that life has in store.
Thank you for reading and walking through this chapter of my life with me. It’s not always easy sharing these parts of me, but I’m grateful for the space to do so. There’s always something next, and I look forward to sharing more of my journey with you.
Until the next post, take care and remember—every story, no matter how small, teaches us something.